Kuroko no Basuke Crackfic
by Airise
Summary: It's a random crackfic that I came up with, inspired from my surroundings. May or may not involve OC. Random time-arc. Owned nothing but OC.
1. The Only One Who Can Beat Me Is Me

"Hmmm..." His eyes were staring intensely at the paper before him. His forehead had formed at least two or three layers, showing how hard he's thinking.

In front of him, the raven-haired also was showing the same expression as him. Nothing could be heard except their breathing and the air-cond's rush in the library.

He tapped the tip of his pencil repeatedly on the table. She already bit her thumbnail under consciousness. Neither the two of them made any effort of communicating.

After what seemed like an eternity, finally the girl used her pencil to circle something on the paper and yelled, "I WON!"

Aomine immediately raised his head up and took the girl's paper to examine it. "Argh! No way! Again?!"

Aozora only silently laughed, since the librarian now focused on them more intensely after their yellings. "Hah! Told ya, Ao-chan. The only one who can beat me is myself."

Aomine grumbled in response. "I hate word search."

**.:.**

**So, the next character would be? xD Please RnR**


	2. Punishment Game

**A/N : I was bored **

**asyadreamer09 : Here's your crackfic request ;)**

* * *

"Kagami-kun..." Kuroko called for his light. He was sweating and his face reddened due to the heat. "I don't think I can do this anymore." His voice sounded like he had to force it out.

Kagami, who was also sweating and face reddening, ignored his shadow's whining. "Five more minutes." His vision going blurred even though he said that.

"But..."

"Shh..."

Kuroko kept quiet. Although he felt like this will indeed, caused him his deary life. Kagami could be so stubborn sometimes.

"Are we there yet?" Kuroko's voice was already slurred.

Kagami couldn't hide his tiredness anymore. Just like Kuroko said before, this heat wasn't any kind of heat he faced before. This heat...

"Let's just stop." Finally Kagami pulled Kuroko out. "I won't do this anymore!" This stupid punishment game was too much, after all!

Kuroko's limbs already stopped functioning. "I know going into a 90-degrees-temperature sauna is a bad idea."

**.:.**

**So, what do you think next? RnR please ^^**


	3. Lucky Item

**A/N : LOL Asya-san. There's no way calculus could overthrow KnB ;p**

* * *

This should be the luckiest day for a Cancerian like him, so why and how did it turn out to be like this?!

Should he ask? But, that would make him looked creepier than he already did.

Since he knew what's his lucky item for today from Oha-Asa the night before, he'd been sleepless, restless and acted like a lost kitten.

And the quadruple menu that usually killed him, didn't do so. In fact, he didn't seem much affected by it.

"I wonder what's wrong with Midorima-kun." Kuroko twisted the bottle cap open and drank from it. They were now taking a short break. "He seemed unwell." He passed the bottle to Kise.

"Maybe it has something with his luck?" Kise assumed and closed the bottle back.

Momoi, realized they were talking about the greenette, joined in their conversation. "Speaking of which, he's been looking at me weirdly."

"Maybe he likes you."

"DAI-CHAN!"

"But, Momoi-san is right. He did look at all of us and turned around when you returned his gaze."

"Kurokocchi...what are you trying to say?" Kise's already imagining thousand of weird schemes inside his head.

"Excuse me." Kise jumped in surprise. "I have a favor to ask." Midorima slightly gulped under his stoic mask.

After hearing what he said, all of them were...out of breath and speechless.

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

"No wayyyyyyyy!"

"That's a weird thing to ask a girl, Midorin!"

"I have to politely decline."

"What's with the ruckus?" A stern voice approached them with the giant. "And why are your faces like that?"

"It's nothing." Midorima walked away and sighed to himself. This hadn't gone unnoticed by Akashi.

"Now, would you explain to me what was that about?"

"It's about his lucky item for today." Momoi whispered. "It's..."

"Ah..." Murasakibara started to remember. "No wonder he said I should cut my hair."

_p/s : For Cancer, tomorrow is your luckiest day! Don't forget to bring a seven different hair colour with you! And they must be a real hair! _

**.:.**

**Hahahaha! Okay..I made it a bit creepy. Any suggestion/criticism/next-character are welcome ^^**


	4. Music Band

**A/N : Don't ask how and why this turned out. I sorta wanted to make a musical GOM but...maybe that have to wait a little bit longer. **

**Asya-san : I have quite a lot of idea for Midorima and Oha-Asa actually. But, it would be quite biased if I only focused on him hahaha!**

* * *

Today was Sunday, which means there's no practice. So, instead of playing basketball, the famous Kiseki no Sedai decided to try something new.

Which brought us to the deepest side of studio.

With Momoi as a keytarist, Aomine and Kise played bass, Murasakibara played drum, Midorima played the piano and Kuroko becamse the lead vocalist, they were ready to start.

"What song should we play?"

"Long Gone – Jun Harakawa."*

"Ohhhh!~ I know that song!" Momoi squealed. "Let's play it."

Kise began couting. "Counting to four. One, two, three, four!" And the music began playing.

They were so absorbed with their instrument that they didn't realize they reached the end of song already. Looking over at his teammates, Kise asked what song they should play next.

Oblivious to the six, Akashi and Aozora were discussing something serious.

"Aozora." Akashi noticed her face went pale. "Are you okay?"

"Thankfully, this is only for fun. Otherwise, I have no idea how to survive after hearing such a crappy play."

Akashi didn't say anything, but deep down, he agreed. And he really couldn't wait to leave before his ears suffered internal bleeding.

"Or you could just send a flying scissors at them to stop it." Aozora chuckled, as if she read his mind.

**.:.**

***I only created the song and singer. So, so? What do you think? xD**


	5. Not So AoKaga

**A/N : I'll think something for TakaMido then! ^^ Thank you for the idea!**

* * *

"I think Aomine-kun and Kagami-kun gets along really well."

Both males almost choked on their meals. And both shot a death glare at the shadow player.

"THAT'S NOT EVEN A JOKE!"

"I agree with Tetsu-kun!" Momoi clapped her hands together. "You'd make a good couple too!"

"THAT'S EVEN WORSE!"

The four of them were chilling out on random night. Don't ask me why. Maybe they had a change of heart or they got drunk by drinking carbonated drinks.

Maybe.

Anyways, back to the four.

"Could you imagine if both of you were twins?" There's already a cloud of imagination on top of Momoi's head. She later giggled. "That would be so cute!"

"WHICH PART OF IT IS CUTE?!"

"Who the hell wants to be this idiot's twin?!" Aomine mocked.

"That's my line! Why would my twin be a tanned idiot?!" Kagami retorted.

"Kagamin's right. Imagine how you'll be asked question like did your mother have threesome or-"

"SHUT UP!" Both cut Momoi's from uttering another word.

"Aomine-kun. Kagami-kun."

"WHAT?!"

"Please refrain yourself from yelling in unison. They all looked at us with a strange look."

Kuroko was right. As they walked across the street, everyone was looking at them. Kuroko couldn't help but notice the pity look. Ah...they must think we hang out with mentally-ill guys.


	6. Best Technique

**A/N : Asya : Well, there's Momoi so it would look like a girl hanging out with two mentally-ill idiots.**

* * *

"Nope. Kuroko's misdirection would be better."

"I've told you! Eagle Eyes would do a better job."

"Are you kidding?! Eagle Eyes can't hide you!"

"You're the one who're a joke! Kuroko could use misdirection because he has low presence to begin with!"

"Well, if you want to add more effect, Mayuzumi Chihiro from Rakuzan would be better, right?"

"On the other hand, Hawk Eyes of Takao is another level better than Izuki."

"Eehhh~? What about the 'zone'?"

"Impossible." Five voices synched together. "We'll be found out in an instant."

"What are you going to do?" Another voice joined in the male conference.

"We're going to- " The sentence was cut by a demonic evil aura, which surpassed the demon Lord itself.

In the end, the Seirin members were thrown into the sky.

Lesson learnt : Never ever discussed the best peeping technique out loud and within five meter radius from your target.

* * *

Omake 1 :

"Whoa~" A young girl in her father's arms was pointing at the sky. "What's that, daddy?"

The man smiled while ruffled her hair. "That's a shooting star. It was said it could make your dreams come true.

Omake 2 :

The members landed in an unknown land, continued to bicker.

"See?! I've told you Kuroko's misdirection would be better!"

Indeed, while they're groaning in pain, Kuroko leisuredly drinking his tea while looking at the night sky.

* * *

**A/n : Peeping is bad. Unless it's a gorgeous hunk / chick we're talking about. And be sure to learn Kuroko's misdirection first!**


	7. Hide And Seek

**A/N : Well, it's Akashi we're talking about. He's the one who realized Kuroko's potential so...I don't think it'll work too. And it was supposed to be about Akashi's normal life or something hahaha!**

* * *

Kagami was facing the tree with his eyes closed while counting to ten. "One, two, three...five...seven...ten! Ready or not, here I come." Opened his eyes and facing the tree backwards, he started to move around aimlessly, trying to find the members of Seirin basketball club.

"Ah! Found you!" Izuki sighed. Looks like he'll be the next seeker after this.

Next, Kagami proceeded to behind the courtyard, where Koganei was hiding on top of the shady tree. Less than an hour, he found all of them. Hyuuga was hiding in cafetaria, Riko in ladies (luckily, it was Sunday so no one was in there), the freshmen trio hide in the locker room. As for Mitobe and Tsuchida, they hide in their respective classroom.

"So, you've found everyone?" Riko asked. And she was soooo looking forward to add Kagami's menu if he failed to do so.

"Wait!" Hyuuga yelled. "Where's Kuroko?"

"I am here." There went out-of-nowhere reply.

Everyone jumped in surprise. "Kuroko! Where did you hide?!"

"I was simply following Kagami-kun the whole time."

Everyone sweatdropped. Yeah, they forgot. Hide-and-seek literally have no meaning when it comes to the phantom man.


	8. The Truth Behind Oha-Asa

**a/n : You'll know everyone's dirty little secret and blackmail them like a boss! xD And I got the normal-life-thingy from Maid-sama! The one where Misaki followed Usui in disguise!**

* * *

"She is not!"

"She is!"

"Is not!"

Aozora knitted her brows together. "What the two of them are arguing about?"

Momoi sighed. "Dai-chan said Oha-Asa is an ugly old hag. Midori said Oha-Asa is a woman with grace and elegant."

"Eh~ For him to be arguing with an idiot like Ao-chan...he must appreciate Oha-Asa to the core."

"Fine! Let's do this!" Both Aozora and Momoi turned to the duo male. Now what? "Let's see the real face of Oha-Asa."

The girls sweatdropped. You have got to be kidding me!

Later that day, Aozora and Momoi didn't know whether to pity or just laughing their asses off.

"W-What the hell?!"

"My dream is shattered. To think that.."

Momoi patted Aomine's back, while Aozora calmed Midorima down. "Don't be so bad. It's a win-win situation, isn't it?"

Turned out to be, Oha-Asa and Horikita Mai ARE the same person. Well, at the very least, she is not some old ugly hag, right?

* * *

**a/n : Ah~ my imagination went wild again xD**


	9. Surname

**A/N : I changed the title for each chapter for a little curiosity before you read them (or spoiler).**

**Blank Angel : Aw...you ruined my surprise**

**Asya : Idk how that would influence Midorima fate this ;3**

* * *

"Dude, that would be very VERY weird."

"You don't have to repeat it twice!"

"But, it is weird!"

"That's not our freaking fault!" Aomine ferociously slurped his drinks. He, Momoi, Midorima, Murasakibara and Aozora hung out at the playground after finished their dinner at the nearby fast food restaurant.

"Then, imagine this. Momoi and Murasakibara!"

Momoi flustered. Aomine almost fell on his butt from the bench. Midorima blabbered about their horoscope compatibility and what-not.

"Okay. That officially funny!"

"That's contradictory."

"I don't really like a short girl."`

"Mukkun!"

Aozora sighed. "You're missing the point, Kyojin-chan. This is not about the height, or your horoscope compatibility." Aozora looked at Midorima before continued laughing. "It's about your surname."

Yep. Definitely hilarious. If Momoi did end up with Murasakibara, she'll become Murasakibara Satsuki.

"You need to change your hair colour, Satsuki!"

"Dai-chan!"

* * *

**A/N : Hahahah! I'm sorry Fujimaki-sensei! I really just had to put this up cause I do wonder what it'll be like if they got married xD**

"Dude, that would be very VERY weird."

"You don't have to repeat it twice!"

"But, it is weird!"

"That's not our freaking fault!" Aomine ferociously slurped his drinks. He, Momoi, Midorima, Murasakibara and Aozora hung out at the playground after finished their dinner at the nearby fast food restaurant.

"Then, imagine this. Momoi and Murasakibara!"

Momoi flustered. Aomine almost fell on his butt from the bench. Midorima blabbered about their horoscope compatibility and what-not.

"Okay. That officially funny!"

"That's contradictory."

"I don't really like a short girl."`

"Mukkun!"

Aozora sighed. "You're missing the point, Kyojin-chan. This is not about the height, or your horoscope compatibility." Aozora looked at Midorima before continued laughing. "It's about your surname."

Yep. Definitely hilarious. If Momoi did end up with Murasakibara, she'll become Murasakibara Satsuki.

"You need to change your hair colour, Satsuki!"

"Dai-chan!"


	10. Christmas Celebration

**A/N : **

**Asya : Nah~ their surname indicate their hair colour. So, it would be weird if Momoi - a pink-haired have a surname of Murasaki - which means purple.**

**sheen-chan : I guess. It would be a really contradict if Midorima and Akashi?**

* * *

"Tch. Santa doesn't exist." Aomine scoffed.

"For once, I agree with this idiot." Midorima pushed up his glasses. "Our parents act as a Santa."

Momoi pouted. "I know. But having you to say it out loud, ruined the surprise."

"Anyways..." Kise spinned the pencil on his finger. "Let's just write our wish on this paper." He then glanced at a certain red-haired. "Or Akashicchi will kill us."

"Man...what's the point he called us out here just to make us write our wishes?" Aomine whined, but not so loud. He wouldn't want to wish for death.

Kuroko didn't comment on anything. But, who knows what on his mind?

* * *

Murasakibara dropped his Maiubo. Aomine was trying so hard not to laugh. Kise had to cough badly to cover his laughter.

"What the hell are you doing, Akashi?!" The laughter burst.

There stood Akashi, in Santa costume with a sack full of wrapped presents. His face didn't really like the situation he's in.

Groaning, he made way towards his ex-teammates and gave them their presents. Aomine got a ton of gravure mags, Murasakibara had a ton of snacks, Midorima received his made-in-German chain for his next month lucky item and Momoi swung around her new glittery handbag.

As for Kuroko and Kise...

"Why haven't you two write anything?"

"I want to take a picture of this." Kise readied his phone.

Akashi gritted his teeth but remained calm enough to ask Kuroko. "And you, Tetsuya?"

"I just want to spend Christmas with all of you."

Akashi's bad mood settled down. "All of you, come here closer." They obeyed, wondering what their ex-captain was up to. "Let's take a memorable photos."

"With you like this?" Aomine pointed his finger at Akashi up and down.

"Is there any problem?" There came the menacing glare again. Aomine quickly shook his head.

Behind Akashi was the green, purple and navy-haired. Kuroko and Momoi both stood next to Akashi. Midorima and Kise was forced to sit down in front of the centered-Akashi.

"Say cheese~"

SNAP!

Omake : 

"I think we have to write our lives." Mibuchi Reo commented after Hayama Kotarou proposed to play a game truth-or-dare with Akashi.

"But, just imagine him as a Santa." Hayama still tried to convince the other two regulars of Rakuzan. Short, skinny and demonic aura. Hahahaha!

"Yeah, let's write we want to keep our lives as a wish."

Akashi did spare them, but he certainly gave them enough lesson to remember after the Christmas celebration.


End file.
